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December 23rd, 2009: Dudes I ate SO MANY COOKIES last night, mostly made by Emily Horne and Tim Maly's mom and by Beth, who doesn't have a website! Anyway, if I die of cookie overdose I wanted you to know which of my dear friends to go after! – Ryan | |||
At college, more often than note, your sex life is everybody’s business. But don’t worry…it’s for your own good! For example, the writer of this first note (as spotted by Ashley at Missouri State) displays a heartwarming concern for her dorm-mate’s physical safety.
And as Vic and his friends at Arizona State’s Barrett Honors College discovered, a group calling themselves “the Gods of ASU” has even deeper concerns….the fate of your everlasting soul!!!
related: “I know that it’s really none of my business, but…I’m going to tell you what I think anyway.”
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December 22nd, 2009: Guys I got SO MANY great footers, and just in time, because winter just started here in Canada! Here's the ones I got:
– Ryan | |||
Writes our submitter in Lexington, Kentucky: “One day, I updated my Facebook status to something about how no one in my city knows how to properly use a turning lane. The next day, I got this e-mail from my mom. She often makes similar judgments about what personality traits I should have because I’m ‘such a pretty girl.’”
Annoying? Sure. But aside from the irritating Momsian/Victorian conflation of physical/moral beauty, I think I’m actually on Team Mom for this one. (Of course, had I received a similar e-mail from my own mom, I’d hardly be so clear-eyed. Such is the nature of the mother/daughter dynamic!)
related: living with an adolescent, abridged
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December 21st, 2009: I received some amazing winter footers! I'll leave this up one more day and put up the winner tomorrow. Thanks every! And here's what I'm talking about (from Friday): Okay so it's WINTER and I've still got that fall footer at the bottom of the page. Just like what I did for fall, I'm having a winter footer contest. Send me your best 1000x96 (it can be a bit taller if you want) image that loops, and I'll pick the winner and put it up on the site! Also, if you send in a URL I'll link to your URL with your submission. Here's the fall version and the fall background image I use for looping. When I say "loops" I mean that the left-hand side of the image is the same as the right-hand side of the image, so when they're tiled horizontally they go together nicely. The background image is just repetitive part of the larger image without much detail to it that I can use for tiling. Send them in if you're interested, and thanks! – Ryan | |||
Gift-giving is what makes Christmas the passive-aggressive’s favorite time of year. It’s a priceless opportunity to show your friends and family how you really feel about them…with a bow on top!
related: putting the “x” in “x-mas”
Writes James in Chesterfield, Virginia: “Poor Fayette didn’t know that you must remove staples before feeding paper into the copier. Even though she is 70 years old and always brings fresh brownies on Fridays for everyone in the office, someone still felt the need to publicly (and anonymously) humiliate her.”
You know, because a simple “the copier is broken” would leave just too many unanswered questions.
related: Graham, this means you
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| ← previous | December 18th, 2009 | next | |
December 18th, 2009: Here are some dudes playing classic SNES games for charity this weekend! You can watch them play and you can donate if they defeat Andross. You don't have to wait until they defeat Andross though! Okay so it's WINTER and I've still got that fall footer at the bottom of the page. Just like what I did for fall, I'm having a winter footer contest. Send me your best 1000x96 (it can be a bit taller if you want) image that loops, and I'll pick the winner and put it up on the site! Also, if you send in a URL I'll link to your URL with your submission. Here's the fall version and the fall background image I use for looping. When I say "loops" I mean that the left-hand side of the image is the same as the right-hand side of the image, so when they're tiled horizontally they go together nicely. The background image is just repetitive part of the larger image without much detail to it that I can use for tiling. Send them in if you're interested, and thanks! – Ryan | |||
“In college,” Sandy writes, “I shared a house with a motley group of roomies. When it was time for me to graduate, my super-kooky roommate suggested I send her parents a graduation announcement because they had liked me a lot (having met me once, for a few hours) and would feel insulted if I didn’t send them an announcement. I had a few left over, so I did.” A while later came this response – not passive-aggressive per se, but a little, well…
Adds Sandy: “The assumption of my attempt to grub money coupled with the cheerfully airy tone really speaks volumes about the environment in which my old roomie grew up. (Incidentally, she DID spell my name right.)”
P.S. Yes, that’s $25, not $125.
related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have
![[Shortly thereafter, at a nearby bakery] ::CRASH:: ::RUMBLE:: ::VRRRRRR:: '... I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!'](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/asshole.png "[Shortly thereafter, at a nearby bakery] ::CRASH:: ::RUMBLE:: ::VRRRRRR:: '... I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!'")
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December 17th, 2009: Thanks to Steven, an almost-lawyer who set me straight on the bear-punching clauses! The legality of spend-a-night-in-an-actually-haunted-hou The Child's Play charity auction for a T-Rex Squishable raised $241.51 for Child's Play. Nice work, you guys! – Ryan | |||
“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.
Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.
related: your BBQ = 9/11
As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous!
related: All I want for Christmas
extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia]
Roundup of stolen Baby Jesus reports [Wonkette]
Baby Jesus found! [FOUND Magazine]
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| ← previous | December 16th, 2009 | next | |
December 16th, 2009: ITEMS OF NOTE: The Child's Play charity auction for a T-Rex Squishable is ending in just a few hours! Dinosaur Comics stuff ordered today isn't guaranteed to make it in time for Christmas, unless you're shipping to the States and you choose USPS DOMESTIC EXPRESS shipping. You can still order to non-US addresses however, and some of it still might get there in time! CHRISTMAS IS A TIME OF MIRACLES. (NO PROMISES ON THE MIRACLES THOUGH) The Project Wonderful ad to the right is currently showing this image which links here, and I've got to say that I find this entirely charming and I love all my readers, but ESPECIALLY the ones who do stuff like this. I hope you enjoyed these three ITEMS OF NOTE. – Ryan | |||
Writes Josh in St. Louis: “In our university’s paper, during the first semester, parents can send in notes for their kids away at college to read. Most parents put something sweet, happy, and uplifting — ‘We love you, good luck, hope you’re well,’ that kind of thing.” Josh’s parents, meanwhile…
related: no money, no trophy
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| Order Dinosaur Comics stuff today to get Christmas delivery!! It is a DEADLINE
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| ← previous | December 15th, 2009 | next | |
December 15th, 2009: So um hey OCTOPODS ARE USING TOOLS NOW Thanks to everyone who wrote in to warn me!! Only one emoticon can capture my feelings right now: >:| – Ryan | |||
“Oh boy,” thought Emily in New York, when she saw this mini-drama unfold on her newsfeed. “I can’t even imagine; if my dad found out that I was engaged via Facebook, there would be hell to pay.” (Luckily, she says, “my dad has no idea how to use Facebook, or as he calls it, ‘the Face Space.’”)
Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Austin, “I knew my brother and sister-in-law were debating another baby, and I was quite aggravated to think this is how I was going to find out.” But instead…
related: why you really shouldn’t be facebook friends with your parents
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dinosaurcomics : A false document is when you refer to or quote books and stuff that don't exist in real life, but yo [+0] - xkcd_rss : Christmas Plans [+57]
- passaggnotes : The Trans-Hadean Orchestra [+0]
- dinosaurcomics : by end of week all parts of speech will be replaced with "hugga bubba", right here at qwantz.com [+10]
- passaggnotes : Sometimes, Mom is (actually, maybe, a little bit) right. [+0]
- dinosaurcomics : the phrase is also oddly named because it suggests the involvement, even though he didn't help, of o [+6]
- xkcd_rss : Researcher Translation [+68]
- passaggnotes : Stuff this in your stocking, sister. [+0]
- passaggnotes : Vindictive much? [+0]
- dinosaurcomics : my friend eric worked at a phone survey company, and he often had to ask the elderly to tell him wha [+11]
- passaggnotes : I hope you get money from everybody! [+0]
- xkcd_rss : Asshole [+203]
- dinosaurcomics : oh, also it can't be something illegal. you're not allowed to rob a bank because a will told you to [+14]
- passaggnotes : a bitter pill to swallow [+0]
- passaggnotes : “What if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus?” [+0]
- dinosaurcomics : if the "you have to solve a crime for every dollar you receive" clauses aren't going to be enforced, [+12]
- xkcd_rss : Abstraction [+74]
- passaggnotes : My parents, the loan sharks [+0]
- dinosaurcomics : i locked myself out but my girlfriend came home, close call! the last time i locked myself out befo [+22]
- passaggnotes : Facebook familial faux pas [+0]